I’m Dreaming of A Useful Christmas Gift
Aren’t the holidays wonderful? Families get together, we eat lots of food, we get some extra days off from work, and those classic Christmas carols re-emerge to conquer the airwaves. I just heard today that the Christmas Song has been recorded by different artists 500 times. That’s crazy. Did you know that every time the song plays, Alex Rodriguez makes another 5.2 million dollars? It’s madness.
You know what else is madness? Christmas shopping. The first Christmas gift I ever bought was a tube of rubber cement for my mom. It’s twenty years later now and I’d like to think I’ve matured some. I can’t wait to see her expression this year when she unwraps my two-pack of insect repellant. I know women like things that smell nice, and these smell like the outdoors.
If you’re like me, there is at least one person in your family that has everything they could possibly need. And yet like Frodo the hobbit, this is your burden to bear. Or perhaps you are of the rare breed that is an exceptional shopper and can knock out the Christmas list in one visit to the mall. To you I say: Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
I was lucky last year. My strategy of just roaming the mall praying something would catch my eye worked. I bought a wine-opening kit, which came in a cedar chest for my father. He loved it and still uses it. Such a gift is rare, a powerful treasure. I was the only one who could pull it forth from the stone, and when I gently opened it, to inspect what wine-opening tools lied within, a brilliant light shone forth and did verily melt my flesh. That’s when I knew I had to buy it.
I worry that I will have no face-dissolving luck this year. Any ideas out there? Just give them cash you say? I could do that. My parents do enjoy the occasional* trip to Vegas. But what if everybody did that? I give her $50 and she gives me $25. Merry Christmas indeed! Without a standard amount, Christmas becomes a spin on the roulette table. You may come out ahead or you may be stranded outside Caesar’s Palace dancing for bus fare.
No, cash isn’t going to cut it. What are their hobbies you ask? Good question. They like to travel. Hmm…I could get them plane tickets. Oh, you must mistake me for one of those folks who can afford the fees on the ATM machines. It’s up to $2.50 in some places!! We go to the ATM to get money not spend it! That $2.50 is like two tubes of rubber cement.
Anyway, as I roam the stores this evening, listening to the Christmas Song as done by Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz, I’ll be thinking, at least I’m not shopping for Alex Rodriguez.
*occasional: from the Latin occasius meaning “whenever possible”
You know what else is madness? Christmas shopping. The first Christmas gift I ever bought was a tube of rubber cement for my mom. It’s twenty years later now and I’d like to think I’ve matured some. I can’t wait to see her expression this year when she unwraps my two-pack of insect repellant. I know women like things that smell nice, and these smell like the outdoors.
If you’re like me, there is at least one person in your family that has everything they could possibly need. And yet like Frodo the hobbit, this is your burden to bear. Or perhaps you are of the rare breed that is an exceptional shopper and can knock out the Christmas list in one visit to the mall. To you I say: Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
I was lucky last year. My strategy of just roaming the mall praying something would catch my eye worked. I bought a wine-opening kit, which came in a cedar chest for my father. He loved it and still uses it. Such a gift is rare, a powerful treasure. I was the only one who could pull it forth from the stone, and when I gently opened it, to inspect what wine-opening tools lied within, a brilliant light shone forth and did verily melt my flesh. That’s when I knew I had to buy it.
I worry that I will have no face-dissolving luck this year. Any ideas out there? Just give them cash you say? I could do that. My parents do enjoy the occasional* trip to Vegas. But what if everybody did that? I give her $50 and she gives me $25. Merry Christmas indeed! Without a standard amount, Christmas becomes a spin on the roulette table. You may come out ahead or you may be stranded outside Caesar’s Palace dancing for bus fare.
No, cash isn’t going to cut it. What are their hobbies you ask? Good question. They like to travel. Hmm…I could get them plane tickets. Oh, you must mistake me for one of those folks who can afford the fees on the ATM machines. It’s up to $2.50 in some places!! We go to the ATM to get money not spend it! That $2.50 is like two tubes of rubber cement.
Anyway, as I roam the stores this evening, listening to the Christmas Song as done by Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz, I’ll be thinking, at least I’m not shopping for Alex Rodriguez.
*occasional: from the Latin occasius meaning “whenever possible”
posted by AaronJLohr | 6:31 AM
1 Comments:
The wine opener was a great gift.
Don't worry about buying us tickets to Vegas ...that's really way too extravagant ...isn't it?? Wait a second ...I'm getting a second opinion.... your Mom says if it makes you happy, go ahead and buy them.
Dad
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