Ringing the Alien Dinner Bell
Do you remember a time when you were hungry but didn't know it? Like the other day, I wasn't thinking about food at all, but then my awesome wife starts cooking some Shake and Bake chicken fingers. Once the smell hit me, all I could think about was dinner...and an odd mental picture of actual chicken fingers where one particular chicken wearing sunglasses shot "hand" guns at me.
I wonder if animals experience the same thing. I envision a pride of lions just laying in the shade under some big tree on the African plains. They're enjoying the cool breeze and relaxing...when down in the valley they see a sickly zebra limping through the grass.
They exchange glances and then Gordon, their leader, says, "You know chaps, I don't think we've eaten since that crippled wildebeest collapsed by the old termite mound. I don't know about you, but I could sure go for a bit of sickly zebra."
The other lions nod in agreement, except for Erik, as usual. He looks at the others and says, "Look, I'm sure that sickly zebra will taste just as wonderful as the crippled wildebeest two days ago, or the gangrenous gazelle from last week. But am I the only one here worried about the health consequences of eating these genetic disasters?"
"You worry too much Erik," replies Gordon. "Remember that mangy baboon we dined on last year. That creature was far more ghastly than this zebra and we didn't have any trouble then."
"What are you talking about?!" returns Erik. "My gums bled for a month and I still can't see clearly through my right eye!"
"That's because you don't brush properly and sit too close to the television. You can stay here if you like, but were going to get us a heaping helping of sickly zebra."
During this conversation, the zebra perished, which made things quite simple for Gordon and the others. Erik did not join them and it's because of his cautious attitude that he was able to avoid contracting neurologic zebrainiaccus disease and remains the world's last talking lion.
As usual, this whole idea got me to thinking about aliens. If they knew we were here on earth, would they suddenly realize that they're pretty hungry for humans? I think a lot of us believe aliens are smart and refined and that one day when we meet we'll get along fine. Well guess who disagrees with you? Only the smartest guy on the planet, Dr. Stephen Hawking.
Just days ago, Hawking said on his new TV show that a visit by extraterrestrials to Earth would be like Christopher Columbus arriving in the Americas, "which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans."
The famous British physicist speculated that while most extraterrestrial life will be similar to microbes, advanced life forms would likely be "nomads, looking to conquer and colonize."
So maybe we should hold off on letting anyone out there know we're here. Oops! Too late! We already did. NASA beamed "Across the Universe" to the star Polaris in 2008 to promote the space agency's 50th anniversary, the 45th anniversary of the Deep Space Network and the 40th anniversary of the Beatles song. And in the same year, as part of the publicity for the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still," the movie was broadcast to the stars despite the fact that broadcasting a Keanu Reeves film to aliens could be interpreted as an act of war.
I'm sure some unhungry alien was just chilling with his buds watching "So You Think You Can Adajgiusduqjsk" when suddenly their television went all fuzzy. When the picture returned, they saw "The Day the Earth Stood Still". They exchanged glances and Gordon, their leader said, "Hey chaps, when was the last time we plundered another planet and devoured their population?"
Erik as usual was the first to reply. "Wait a minute fellas. Remember what happened the last time we assaulted a backwards planet? We all got the shingles and Todd and Suzie ended up getting dissected."
Gordon patiently replied, "Erik, you worry too much. These roundskulls practically sent us an invitation. This film they broadcast even shows us how they would try to stop us. We'd be doing them a favor by conquering them."
Erik watched a few more minutes of the film. "Yeah, they should have sent us Iron Man."
I wonder if animals experience the same thing. I envision a pride of lions just laying in the shade under some big tree on the African plains. They're enjoying the cool breeze and relaxing...when down in the valley they see a sickly zebra limping through the grass.
They exchange glances and then Gordon, their leader, says, "You know chaps, I don't think we've eaten since that crippled wildebeest collapsed by the old termite mound. I don't know about you, but I could sure go for a bit of sickly zebra."The other lions nod in agreement, except for Erik, as usual. He looks at the others and says, "Look, I'm sure that sickly zebra will taste just as wonderful as the crippled wildebeest two days ago, or the gangrenous gazelle from last week. But am I the only one here worried about the health consequences of eating these genetic disasters?"
"You worry too much Erik," replies Gordon. "Remember that mangy baboon we dined on last year. That creature was far more ghastly than this zebra and we didn't have any trouble then."
"What are you talking about?!" returns Erik. "My gums bled for a month and I still can't see clearly through my right eye!"
"That's because you don't brush properly and sit too close to the television. You can stay here if you like, but were going to get us a heaping helping of sickly zebra."
During this conversation, the zebra perished, which made things quite simple for Gordon and the others. Erik did not join them and it's because of his cautious attitude that he was able to avoid contracting neurologic zebrainiaccus disease and remains the world's last talking lion.
As usual, this whole idea got me to thinking about aliens. If they knew we were here on earth, would they suddenly realize that they're pretty hungry for humans? I think a lot of us believe aliens are smart and refined and that one day when we meet we'll get along fine. Well guess who disagrees with you? Only the smartest guy on the planet, Dr. Stephen Hawking.
Just days ago, Hawking said on his new TV show that a visit by extraterrestrials to Earth would be like Christopher Columbus arriving in the Americas, "which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans."
The famous British physicist speculated that while most extraterrestrial life will be similar to microbes, advanced life forms would likely be "nomads, looking to conquer and colonize."
So maybe we should hold off on letting anyone out there know we're here. Oops! Too late! We already did. NASA beamed "Across the Universe" to the star Polaris in 2008 to promote the space agency's 50th anniversary, the 45th anniversary of the Deep Space Network and the 40th anniversary of the Beatles song. And in the same year, as part of the publicity for the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still," the movie was broadcast to the stars despite the fact that broadcasting a Keanu Reeves film to aliens could be interpreted as an act of war.
I'm sure some unhungry alien was just chilling with his buds watching "So You Think You Can Adajgiusduqjsk" when suddenly their television went all fuzzy. When the picture returned, they saw "The Day the Earth Stood Still". They exchanged glances and Gordon, their leader said, "Hey chaps, when was the last time we plundered another planet and devoured their population?"
Erik as usual was the first to reply. "Wait a minute fellas. Remember what happened the last time we assaulted a backwards planet? We all got the shingles and Todd and Suzie ended up getting dissected."
Gordon patiently replied, "Erik, you worry too much. These roundskulls practically sent us an invitation. This film they broadcast even shows us how they would try to stop us. We'd be doing them a favor by conquering them."
Erik watched a few more minutes of the film. "Yeah, they should have sent us Iron Man."
posted by AaronJLohr | 7:34 AM
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