Flatulence on a Plane
Traveling by airplane can go one of two ways. Very good, or very, very bad. Very good happens when you pass out for the majority of the flight and wake up as the plane lands. Savvy travelers are hip to this fact and bring along the right medication to ensure a peaceful trip.
Very, very bad is by far the more common type of travel experience. There are so many ways that his can happen that the traveler can at least fine some solace in the fact that they won’t have to suffer the same way twice. Common factors that contribute to a poor travel experience are children playing with loud beeping electronic games, abnormally rough turbulence, and gremlins pulling the aircraft apart piece by piece.
The toughest part about planes is that once you take off, you’re stuck for a while. To make things nicer for you, you’ll be given chairs that are supposed to recline but don't because there's a big dude right behind you. And once in a while they’ll let you get up and go to the bathroom. That may not sound like much, but everyone on that plane gets excited when the fasten seatbelt light turns off.
When you’re trapped like this, some things can become more annoying than usual: children crying, people kicking your seat, or even just cramped seating space. Annoying as these things are, they are nothing compared to a story that comes out of Nashville, TN. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16064706/
A Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from matches. Apparently a woman had pretty bad gas and…well…let it rip. Just like all of us, she waiting a few seconds afterwards praying there would be no smell. Then just like with most of us, she not only detected an appreciative odor, but it’s ripe pungency nearly brought tears to her eyes. Well, no one wants anyone else to catch their scent, so she decides to light a match … on a plane…
Well, smelling fire and being on a plane is a lot like seeing the silhouette of a kitchen knife on the shower curtain and hearing the theme from “Psycho”. It’s a bit alarming.
So the plane is diverted for an emergency landing. Now all these folks who are going to be late have to call their work or families and tell them the news. And really, it’s going to come across like an elaborate lie from a third grader.
Mother: “Timmy, why aren’t you in bed like I asked?”
Timmy: “Well, I was, but there was this noise under the bed, and I was really scared, but I remembered daddy said I shouldn’t be scared, so I decided to look under the bed, and there were these glowing eyes looking at me and this voice said ‘The hour draws nigh Timmy! The hour draws nigh!!’ So I looked at the clock, but it wasn’t drawing anything, so I was confused and decided to play Nintendo”.
Here’s how it is for these poor folks:
Matthews: Boss, I’m going to be late to the meeting.
Boss: What? Why? You know you’re leading this presentation.
Matthews: Well we were on this plane and we started smelling this nasty smell, and then we smelled another nasty smell, like something burning. And we told the flight attendant and they said there was a fire somewhere because some lady farted real bad, so we all started screaming and people were running around, and this one guy opened the overhead compartment across from me and I saw these glowing eyes, and a deep voice said ‘The hour draws nigh Matthews! The hour draws nigh!!’
Boss: Yeah. Well…you’re fired.
And you know, the funniest part about this whole thing, is that Matthews is Timmy’s father.
And seriously, who lights matches on a plane to cover their farts?
Very, very bad is by far the more common type of travel experience. There are so many ways that his can happen that the traveler can at least fine some solace in the fact that they won’t have to suffer the same way twice. Common factors that contribute to a poor travel experience are children playing with loud beeping electronic games, abnormally rough turbulence, and gremlins pulling the aircraft apart piece by piece.
The toughest part about planes is that once you take off, you’re stuck for a while. To make things nicer for you, you’ll be given chairs that are supposed to recline but don't because there's a big dude right behind you. And once in a while they’ll let you get up and go to the bathroom. That may not sound like much, but everyone on that plane gets excited when the fasten seatbelt light turns off.
When you’re trapped like this, some things can become more annoying than usual: children crying, people kicking your seat, or even just cramped seating space. Annoying as these things are, they are nothing compared to a story that comes out of Nashville, TN. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16064706/
A Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from matches. Apparently a woman had pretty bad gas and…well…let it rip. Just like all of us, she waiting a few seconds afterwards praying there would be no smell. Then just like with most of us, she not only detected an appreciative odor, but it’s ripe pungency nearly brought tears to her eyes. Well, no one wants anyone else to catch their scent, so she decides to light a match … on a plane…
Well, smelling fire and being on a plane is a lot like seeing the silhouette of a kitchen knife on the shower curtain and hearing the theme from “Psycho”. It’s a bit alarming.
So the plane is diverted for an emergency landing. Now all these folks who are going to be late have to call their work or families and tell them the news. And really, it’s going to come across like an elaborate lie from a third grader.
Mother: “Timmy, why aren’t you in bed like I asked?”
Timmy: “Well, I was, but there was this noise under the bed, and I was really scared, but I remembered daddy said I shouldn’t be scared, so I decided to look under the bed, and there were these glowing eyes looking at me and this voice said ‘The hour draws nigh Timmy! The hour draws nigh!!’ So I looked at the clock, but it wasn’t drawing anything, so I was confused and decided to play Nintendo”.
Here’s how it is for these poor folks:
Matthews: Boss, I’m going to be late to the meeting.
Boss: What? Why? You know you’re leading this presentation.
Matthews: Well we were on this plane and we started smelling this nasty smell, and then we smelled another nasty smell, like something burning. And we told the flight attendant and they said there was a fire somewhere because some lady farted real bad, so we all started screaming and people were running around, and this one guy opened the overhead compartment across from me and I saw these glowing eyes, and a deep voice said ‘The hour draws nigh Matthews! The hour draws nigh!!’
Boss: Yeah. Well…you’re fired.
And you know, the funniest part about this whole thing, is that Matthews is Timmy’s father.
And seriously, who lights matches on a plane to cover their farts?
posted by AaronJLohr | 11:27 AM
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