Chicken Nuggets: I Was Your Father

You know what I hear a lot of these days? Why aren’t there more new great inventions? It must have been great to be alive when world-changing inventions like the light bulb, the automobile, and the Furby were announced. But what has our generation seen? The Internet? I’m still not so sure that’s a good thing. I mean anyone can get on there and write whatever they want about all kinds of stupid topics ranging from vampiric politicians to eating roadkill.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I’m under the suspicion that all of our brightest minds are locked in a super-secret underground laboratory somewhere in Utah poking aliens with plastic lightsabers. It’s hard to blame them. I think we’d all seize that opportunity if we were ever presented with it. You know those spongy cubes that people stick artificial plants into to keep them upright? That stuff is crazy-fun to poke. I think that spongy stuff is likely portions or remains from our other-worldy neighbors.

A real problem facing inventors is our greedy and lazy world. You think you’ve got a great invention? Maybe you finally created a way to communicate with animals. What’s that? You’ve got a monkey helmet that allows you speak and understand monkey? Well, that is a great invention indeed. But guess what… there’s some firm in Atlanta that spends every hour of the day putting patents out on crazy invention that they never intend to build. And on that list at number 3001002 is “Monkey Helmet”.

If you create that helmet and start making millions, you will get your butt sued bigtime! And those losers who did nothing, along with primates across the globe, will reap the benefits of your hard work. Not much incentive to invent is it?

It’s a tough time for inventors. But it wasn’t always so. Recently one of our nation’s greatest inventors, and one of my personal heroes, passed on to the great beyond. His name was Robert Baker, and he invented the chicken nugget.



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11977348/site/newsweek/

We sure do take these tasty bits of joy for granted. Believe it or not, but in the 1940’s there were no such things as chicken nuggets. This I think is the sign of a great invention. Something new is introduced to the world and years later people can’t imagine a world without it. Think about a world without television, airplanes, or telephones. C’mon, humor me, think about it.

Some folks think we don’t need new inventions. They think technology is the enemy. I don’t think so. Our world has got a lot of problems, and it’s possible that some great invention will soon come along that will help us rise above, which brings me to my main point:

WE NEED MONKEY HELMETS.

Let’s face it, monkeys are everywhere and their popularity is skyrocketing. If we want to end world hunger, we’ll have to find inventive ways of foraging for food. Who could help us? Monkeys.

If we want to stop wars we’ll need the wisdom of a culture that has strong family values and knows how to handle conflicts. Who am I talking about? Monkeys.

If we want to excel in our propensity to hurl feces so that one day it may be an Olympic event we’ll need superior training. (you know you’d watch) Who could teach us these skills? Hey, hey, it’s the monkeys.

So here’s the bottom line: we’re not going anywhere as a civilization without monkey helmets. Who cares if some joe in Atlanta makes the money off this idea. Stop poking that alien and get to work on the Chimp Cap © 2006 all rights reserved.

Chimp Cap is an idea owned solely by Aaron Lohr. Any production, distribution, marketing or profiting from the concept of monkey communication through headwear is strictly prohibited.