World Shocked as P. Diddy Changes Name

I just heard the news this morning and I confess it is difficult for me to even write this blog. People have noticed that I’m off and keep asking me how I’m doing….

Well, I don’t know how I’m doing. I don’t know what to feel right now. I guess I just don’t like big changes. You get used to something and it feels comfortable, and then it’s gone. But we have to move on….somehow.

I have so many memories of how it used to be. I remember having lunch out of my “Sean Combs” lunchbox with the “Sean Combs” thermos. All the kids thought I was so cool. But a week later, that lunchbox was obsolete. My loyalty knew no bounds. It wasn’t long before I got a vanity plate on my car which read “Puffy”. Oh yeah, I was the talk of the town. People would drive by me, smile, and give me a wave. But soon, the plate was obsolete as well.

I’m not sure what happened next. I know I was confused by the second name change and really wrestled with a lot of emotions. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and saw “Puff Daddy” tattooed across my forehead. My family was concerned to say the least. I was just getting used to it when he unveiled the new moniker “P. Diddy”….. I was in counseling for a few years after that one….and during one of my really low points I legally changed my name to P. Diddy.

And today, I hear he has changed his name once more. Now he is “Diddy”. Good for him. He thinks it’s great, but here I am with a new name, a permanent nonsensical face tattoo, a vanity plate that makes me look like a fool, and an old lunch box full of shattered childhood dreams. What a jerk. Below are real quotes from “Diddy” as to why this change is good. Maybe they will help us through.

Diddy: "During concerts, half the crowd is saying 'P. Diddy'--half the crowd is chanting 'Diddy'--now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.' "

Bless you “Diddy” for ending those horrible years of cross-chanting crowds. How many concerts were ruined….how many hopes, buried beneath the sound of mass confusion…

Diddy: "I even started to get confused myself--and when I'd called someone on the telephone it took me a long time to explain who I was. Too long."

What a trooper. Every phone call must have felt like a path into a dark and foreboding land where chaos and isolation were his only companions. Can you imagine it? Don’t even try.

Diddy: "I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer."

Is it any wonder I love this man. He looks out for us. You’ll never hear Britney Spears or Justin Guarini say something like this. This man, this sacrificial superstar changed his name for us….amazing.

I know a lot of you roll your eyes at announcements like this. You probably think he’s too into himself or it’s just some marketing ploy to boost his popularity. But there are a few of us who still believe. We know the truth.

He is crazy. Somewhere in that brain is a strand of genius once known as Sean Combs, but it now sparks and wildly flops about like a fallen power line. Yeah, he’s nuts. Trust me, it takes one to know one. So if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do. These name change forms are tedious…