Bored and Gored

This one is a tribute to all those who got gored at this week's Running of the Bulls. Your sacrifice and courage inspire us to keep reaching for that precious star of hope, a hope that one day, like you, we could find ourselves impaled on the bloody horns of an unkind bovine. My fictional old and crotchety neighbor shares some wisdom befitting such a wholesome event.

Bored and Gored
By: Farmer Clancy O’Windbag

Why are people so bored these days? With a millyun cable channels and all kinds of new-fangled gadgets and gizmos, people keep complainin’. I’m bored. There’s nothing to do. Well, I‘ve had enuff of it. Back in my day, we dint have gizmos, TV, or daytime and WE LIKED IT THAT WAY! Now you young punks can play baseball in yer livin’ room, listen to music while doin’ yardwork, and you only have to worry bout ravenous owls and possums half the day. Yet you still complain. Bah!

You could learn a lot from our friends in Pamplona, Spain. Back in 1560 they found a great way to pass the time. It all started when farmers in the country were trying to figure out how to git their bulls to the city so that they could sell them. This is before your fancy trucks and transporter beams. So they decided to just turn em loose down a narrow road towards the center of town, and by golly it worked.

After a while, some of the punk kids decided it would be a hoot to run in front of dem bulls and before you knew it they’s had begun a tradition that last to dis very day. You should hear their squeals of delight as they frolic wit those big bulls, laughin’ and bleedin’ and such. Here's an artist's renderin' of the good times!


I liked this idea so much that I glued forks on the tops of my chickens’ heads and ran them through the farmhouse as the family was sittin’ down to breakfast. Boy were they surprised! Those darn chickens really took to them forks too. They chase that po’ cat all around the barn, but they have a devil of a time trying to peck at the ground. I got ten of them out there right now all stuck and such, kickin’ their little legs.

I know what yer thinkin’…what if I don’t have any chickens? Well use yer imageenatshun!! You got cats, or hamsters? You could strap some sharpened broomsticks on some tractors and then run em’ through a square dance. Yeee Haww! You won’t see anybody sayin’ they’re bored then.

Now some ignant people say this is dangerous. Balderdash! The Running of the Bulls has been goin’ on for hunnerts of years and only a few dozen folks have gotten killed (and I’m sure they wasn’t bored at the time). With those odds yer much more likely to be in a borin’ conference or eatin’ a bologna sandwich then gettin’ gored by a bull. It’s the law of probability for cryin’ out loud.

So no more of your mouthin’ off bout bein’ bored and such. Take a page out of Pamplona’s book and glue some pitchforks on a ridin’ lawnmower and run it down Main Street. Yeee Haaaw!