Kneel Before the Chicken Queen
Could England have a new queen soon? What once was an emphatic ‘no’ is becoming a backdoor possibility. In case you didn’t know, Prince Charles is going to be getting married to Camilla Parker Bowles on April 8th. Isn’t that nice?
Oh sure, Charles and Camilla were seeing each other while he was married to Princess Diana, and she blamed Camilla for the break-up of their marriage. But still, isn’t it beautiful. And when the public came out against the wedding, Prince Charles promised that she wouldn’t be queen but be called Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cornwall. The man sure knows how to honor the public and the memory of Princess Di. Yup, swell guy. Wait a sec, what’s this? British law states clearly that Camilla would be queen, no matter what Charles says. It’s the law? Well how about that.
And … geesh…this topic is a little boring. Every time I hear the name Camilla, I think about the stuffed chicken that Gonzo had in the landmark television epic “Muppet Babies”. So let’s go with that instead.
So can you believe that the prince is going to wed the same chicken doll that ripped the fairy tale wedding apart years ago?! The travesty! How will the world respond? I’ll tell you how: WITH BOUNDLESS RAGE!!
Think about it, chickens have long been subservient to humans (especially plush fake chickens). Now they have one of their own in a position of ominous power equal to that of 10 supernovas. Do you like eating at KFC or Popeyes? Well you better kiss that lifestyle good bye brother, because these clucksters are going to be signing your paychecks!
And this is only the beginning. Apparently Camilla the Terrible plans to appoint the exiled dark general Ted E. Ruxpin to Minister of War. You remember his exploits don’t you? And that madcap Tickle M. Elmo will once again open his laboratory to his unnatural experiments.
Man will have no choice but to rebel. Camilla has seduced the Prince with her romantic come hither glances and turned his mind into a mushy pile of garlic-buttered mashed potatoes with a little bit of rosemary….mmm….
Sorry. Do you see the irony? This plush chicken has brilliantly established a puppet government. When the forces in power cannot help themselves, are we not obligated to do our part? What would you give, years from now, at home in your rocking chair, hankering for just one leg of tasty extra-crispy chicken, to go back and seize that ONE CHANCE, to have your freedom.
So, um, … England is going to have a new queen, and it’s not very interesting. And sure, this Camilla-stuffed chicken-Teddy Ruxpin-genocidal-general dream may be just a dream. But remember this cryptic prophecy: (cue music) Muppet Babies, we make our dreams come true. Muppet Babies, we’ll do the same for you.
Such power for such young and fictional minds. Dream well, world, for what fears you hide in the dark regions of the subconscious will be brought to light by these felt covered infants.
Oh sure, Charles and Camilla were seeing each other while he was married to Princess Diana, and she blamed Camilla for the break-up of their marriage. But still, isn’t it beautiful. And when the public came out against the wedding, Prince Charles promised that she wouldn’t be queen but be called Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cornwall. The man sure knows how to honor the public and the memory of Princess Di. Yup, swell guy. Wait a sec, what’s this? British law states clearly that Camilla would be queen, no matter what Charles says. It’s the law? Well how about that.
And … geesh…this topic is a little boring. Every time I hear the name Camilla, I think about the stuffed chicken that Gonzo had in the landmark television epic “Muppet Babies”. So let’s go with that instead.
So can you believe that the prince is going to wed the same chicken doll that ripped the fairy tale wedding apart years ago?! The travesty! How will the world respond? I’ll tell you how: WITH BOUNDLESS RAGE!!
Think about it, chickens have long been subservient to humans (especially plush fake chickens). Now they have one of their own in a position of ominous power equal to that of 10 supernovas. Do you like eating at KFC or Popeyes? Well you better kiss that lifestyle good bye brother, because these clucksters are going to be signing your paychecks!
And this is only the beginning. Apparently Camilla the Terrible plans to appoint the exiled dark general Ted E. Ruxpin to Minister of War. You remember his exploits don’t you? And that madcap Tickle M. Elmo will once again open his laboratory to his unnatural experiments.
Man will have no choice but to rebel. Camilla has seduced the Prince with her romantic come hither glances and turned his mind into a mushy pile of garlic-buttered mashed potatoes with a little bit of rosemary….mmm….
Sorry. Do you see the irony? This plush chicken has brilliantly established a puppet government. When the forces in power cannot help themselves, are we not obligated to do our part? What would you give, years from now, at home in your rocking chair, hankering for just one leg of tasty extra-crispy chicken, to go back and seize that ONE CHANCE, to have your freedom.
So, um, … England is going to have a new queen, and it’s not very interesting. And sure, this Camilla-stuffed chicken-Teddy Ruxpin-genocidal-general dream may be just a dream. But remember this cryptic prophecy: (cue music) Muppet Babies, we make our dreams come true. Muppet Babies, we’ll do the same for you.
Such power for such young and fictional minds. Dream well, world, for what fears you hide in the dark regions of the subconscious will be brought to light by these felt covered infants.
posted by AaronJLohr | 12:01 PM
4 Comments:
CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUND!!!
The famous nursery rhyme Three Blind Mice was actually a political commentary against the three teir government in America.
Actually, most, if not all, of mother gooses rhymes were originally published as a form of protest.
Hmmm. That makes sense because Three Blind Mice was also the theme song for the Three Stooges television program which is a satire of ... err ... the Mayflower Compact.
Wasn't there an episode of "Muppet Babies" in which Camilla did take over the world? I swear I saw something like that. Perhaps it was just a dream of the future...
I can't believe that TV executives would allow such terror and violence to be shown in a cartoon. :)
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