‘Survivor’ Winner Determined to Throw it All Away
Many blogs ago I wrote about the legal troubles of Richard Hatch. Do you remember him? He was the naked guy from ‘Survivor’. Yup, now you remember. I guess that’s his claim to fame. He could invent a car that runs on dirty laundry or bring peace to the Middle East and he would still be remembered as that gross naked guy on ‘Survivor’. It reminds me of those stories of the genie lamp. You rub it and he grants you three wishes, but it’s never quite what you wished for. Like I could wish for a long life and the genie would turn me into a tree or maybe Keith Richards. It’s not something anyone would want. Hatch found that lamp and wished to be famous. How sad.
When last we heard from Richard, we discovered that he unbelievably didn’t include his landmark winnings when he filed his taxes. At the time, it was one of the highest profile game show winnings in history on one of the most watched programs of its day. It’s like bringing a television crew to tape you robbing a bank in the buff. People are going to notice and it’s not something they’ll soon forget…no matter how badly they want to.
Richard was arrested and he was looking at losing half his winnings in fines and possibly five years in prison. That would be enough to snap a normal person back to attention but this is a man who frolicked naked on a jungle island in front of millions of people. Normal is practically an insult.
He had his trial this week, and many expected a guilty plea. How could you not? The only argument you could have is that you filled the forms out right and the IRS (the undisputed champions of paper-pushing) made a mistake. But Richard, who entered a not guilty plea, hints there may be more to the story. Perhaps it’s personal. Here’s a quote:
Hatch: “I've always paid my taxes, and they know it.”
By saying “they know it”, Hatch is implying that these are constructed allegations for malicious purposes. We all know that such plotting requires some element of emotion or humanity which the IRS just doesn’t possess. Furthermore, the IRS is an enormous agency with numerous divisions. It’s not just some guy who really wanted Rudy to win ‘Survivor’ trying to balance the karma. It’s an entire organization of folks with a complex system. If this whole system is out to get Richard, then he must have stumbled on Area 51, found out who shot JFK, or is the secret head of the Axis of Evil.
Now get this. Because Hatch pleaded not guilty, if he loses this case he will face millions of dollars in fines and 75 years in prison. I said it in my last blog and I’ll say it again. This guy is rock stupid. I’m sure by the time this is over he’ll talk his way into getting the chair.
I still can’t help but wonder….What if the IRS really was out to get Richard? What if, while on that tropical island, he stumbled upon something, something the IRS didn’t want us to know about. I’ve read some conspiracy stories about a utopian underwater city that thrived because it abandoned the notion of mathematics and all the troubles it stirs up.
Could it be possible, that Richard Hatch, hideously naked and spear-fishing off the coast of a very remote CBS lot, found that lost city. You can imagine how worried the IRS would be if people found out how much happier life could be without math. We wouldn’t have to worry about inflation. We wouldn’t have numbers anymore to remind us how old we’re getting. And best of all, we could do away with taxes!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Hold on a second. There’s someone at the door.
“Hello?”
SMASH….
WE ARE THE IRS. THERE IS NO UTOPIAN CITY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. NUMBERS ARE NECESSARY TO LIFE. HAPPINESS IS IRRELEVANT. UNITY IS IRRELEVANT. RICHARD HATCH IS DISGUSTINGLY IRRELEVANT. CAN YOU COUNT HOW MANY WORDS ARE IN THIS PARAGRAPH? EXCELLENT. KEEP DOING IT. WE GROW STRONGER! STRONGER!
When last we heard from Richard, we discovered that he unbelievably didn’t include his landmark winnings when he filed his taxes. At the time, it was one of the highest profile game show winnings in history on one of the most watched programs of its day. It’s like bringing a television crew to tape you robbing a bank in the buff. People are going to notice and it’s not something they’ll soon forget…no matter how badly they want to.
Richard was arrested and he was looking at losing half his winnings in fines and possibly five years in prison. That would be enough to snap a normal person back to attention but this is a man who frolicked naked on a jungle island in front of millions of people. Normal is practically an insult.
He had his trial this week, and many expected a guilty plea. How could you not? The only argument you could have is that you filled the forms out right and the IRS (the undisputed champions of paper-pushing) made a mistake. But Richard, who entered a not guilty plea, hints there may be more to the story. Perhaps it’s personal. Here’s a quote:
Hatch: “I've always paid my taxes, and they know it.”
By saying “they know it”, Hatch is implying that these are constructed allegations for malicious purposes. We all know that such plotting requires some element of emotion or humanity which the IRS just doesn’t possess. Furthermore, the IRS is an enormous agency with numerous divisions. It’s not just some guy who really wanted Rudy to win ‘Survivor’ trying to balance the karma. It’s an entire organization of folks with a complex system. If this whole system is out to get Richard, then he must have stumbled on Area 51, found out who shot JFK, or is the secret head of the Axis of Evil.
Now get this. Because Hatch pleaded not guilty, if he loses this case he will face millions of dollars in fines and 75 years in prison. I said it in my last blog and I’ll say it again. This guy is rock stupid. I’m sure by the time this is over he’ll talk his way into getting the chair.
I still can’t help but wonder….What if the IRS really was out to get Richard? What if, while on that tropical island, he stumbled upon something, something the IRS didn’t want us to know about. I’ve read some conspiracy stories about a utopian underwater city that thrived because it abandoned the notion of mathematics and all the troubles it stirs up.
Could it be possible, that Richard Hatch, hideously naked and spear-fishing off the coast of a very remote CBS lot, found that lost city. You can imagine how worried the IRS would be if people found out how much happier life could be without math. We wouldn’t have to worry about inflation. We wouldn’t have numbers anymore to remind us how old we’re getting. And best of all, we could do away with taxes!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Hold on a second. There’s someone at the door.
“Hello?”
SMASH….
WE ARE THE IRS. THERE IS NO UTOPIAN CITY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. NUMBERS ARE NECESSARY TO LIFE. HAPPINESS IS IRRELEVANT. UNITY IS IRRELEVANT. RICHARD HATCH IS DISGUSTINGLY IRRELEVANT. CAN YOU COUNT HOW MANY WORDS ARE IN THIS PARAGRAPH? EXCELLENT. KEEP DOING IT. WE GROW STRONGER! STRONGER!
posted by AaronJLohr | 1:39 PM
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