Killer Roo Vs. Demon Duck of Doom
I’ve always loved animals. When I was a kid I would borrow the same humongous animal encyclopedias from the library and read them cover to cover. After going through them and watching plenty of episodes of “Wild America”, I started to write my own animal reference book. I was an eight year old dreamer. That’s when “Wild America” host Marty Stouffer sent his goons to our house to burn my notes. IT’S NOT OVER STOUFFER!!
Anyway, I still have an affinity for God’s many creations. My wife and I love going to the zoo and I’m always thrilled to see animals as a category on Jeopardy. And I know I’m not alone in this. Most people love animals. Many have pets, we have an Animal Planet Channel, and the film Animal House is considered by most veterinarians to be a classic.
But what if our favorite animals, like the bunny, kitty, or Portuguese Man O’ War weren’t so cute and cuddly? Would we still have stuffed animals? Would going to the zoo bring up feelings of childlike excitement or heart-pounding terror?
I read an article today that really got me thinking about this. Paleontologists recently found the fossilized remains of a fanged killer kangaroo and what they describe as a “demon duck of doom”. Those are the words of scientists. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13825566/from/RS.2/
This kangaroo ancestor did not hop … it galloped. And it didn’t eat grass…it ate children …. I mean it ate meat with its wolflike fangs.
The killer kangaroo had “well-muscled-in teeth, not for grazing. These things had slicing crests that could have crunched through bone and slice off flesh,” said paleontologist Sue Hand. Egads! And that demon duck would have been a worthy adversary as it was also larger and carnivorous.
How do these animals go extinct? I mean these things sound mighty tough. How do they and all the dinosaurs and crazy fish die but wimpy animals like the shrew live on? The shrew should be toast! Bigtime!
I think if these animals were alive today, things would be very different. Every city would probably have an arena of some kind where these monsters would engage in gladiatorial mortal combat. Think of all the jobs that this would create. Just imagine …
Sunday. Sunday! SUNDAY!!! At the MCI-VERIZON-CINGULAR-CABLECOM-FIRST NATIONAL BANK ARENA, it’s Clyde the Killer Roo versus Quackers McFang-Fang in Blood Battle 8!
This time, it’s personal. The fur and feathers will fly and you won’t want to miss it! First one thousand fans get a spear to defend themselves with.
CLYDE (special effects: woosh woosh woosh)
McFANG-FANG (woosh woosh woosh)
This is the one you’ve been waiting for. Call Ticketmaster now while seats are still available. Kids eaten for free!
The television ratings would be through the roof. Of course this is all theoretical because these animals have been extinct for 20 million years. I guess I’m still a dreamer. You hear that Stouffer?!! I still dream!!!
Anyway, I still have an affinity for God’s many creations. My wife and I love going to the zoo and I’m always thrilled to see animals as a category on Jeopardy. And I know I’m not alone in this. Most people love animals. Many have pets, we have an Animal Planet Channel, and the film Animal House is considered by most veterinarians to be a classic.
But what if our favorite animals, like the bunny, kitty, or Portuguese Man O’ War weren’t so cute and cuddly? Would we still have stuffed animals? Would going to the zoo bring up feelings of childlike excitement or heart-pounding terror?
I read an article today that really got me thinking about this. Paleontologists recently found the fossilized remains of a fanged killer kangaroo and what they describe as a “demon duck of doom”. Those are the words of scientists. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13825566/from/RS.2/
This kangaroo ancestor did not hop … it galloped. And it didn’t eat grass…it ate children …. I mean it ate meat with its wolflike fangs.
The killer kangaroo had “well-muscled-in teeth, not for grazing. These things had slicing crests that could have crunched through bone and slice off flesh,” said paleontologist Sue Hand. Egads! And that demon duck would have been a worthy adversary as it was also larger and carnivorous.
How do these animals go extinct? I mean these things sound mighty tough. How do they and all the dinosaurs and crazy fish die but wimpy animals like the shrew live on? The shrew should be toast! Bigtime!
I think if these animals were alive today, things would be very different. Every city would probably have an arena of some kind where these monsters would engage in gladiatorial mortal combat. Think of all the jobs that this would create. Just imagine …
Sunday. Sunday! SUNDAY!!! At the MCI-VERIZON-CINGULAR-CABLECOM-FIRST NATIONAL BANK ARENA, it’s Clyde the Killer Roo versus Quackers McFang-Fang in Blood Battle 8!
This time, it’s personal. The fur and feathers will fly and you won’t want to miss it! First one thousand fans get a spear to defend themselves with.
CLYDE (special effects: woosh woosh woosh)
McFANG-FANG (woosh woosh woosh)
This is the one you’ve been waiting for. Call Ticketmaster now while seats are still available. Kids eaten for free!
The television ratings would be through the roof. Of course this is all theoretical because these animals have been extinct for 20 million years. I guess I’m still a dreamer. You hear that Stouffer?!! I still dream!!!
posted by AaronJLohr | 11:40 AM
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