Yeti Evidence Not Enough to Gage Abominableness
The truth is out there. That's the tagline from one of the most successful supernatural television programs of all time: Judge Judy. As cunning as a wolf and as unrelenting as a bloodhound, this human-like creature doles out lethal, fiery justice like an awakening super volcano.
And us mere humans eat it up. So successful is this show, that many puny mortals have attempted to copy it. Judge Joe Brown, Judge Alex, Judge Mathis ... the list goes on. They are fortunate that the Judy is merciful or she would incinerate them with her terrible stream of sulfuric acid which she spouts from her formidible thorax.
Her show is popular because people love the supernatural. We like to be confronted by unexplainable and potentailly dangerous creatures. Most folks know there are no such things as vampires, werewolves, or Michael Jacksons, but sometimes we wish there were, because they freak us out.
Just recently I was pretty bummed because the infamous goatsucking chupacabra was found to be nothing more than a bald coyote. Why is it everytime I get excited about something incredible, it turns out to be a bald coyote? First Santa Claus, now this.
But the one creature that's been the hardest to disprove is the Yeti ... aka ... Bigfoot ... aka ... Sasquatch ... aka ... The Abominable Snowman ... aka ... Jimmy "The Strangler" Malone.
In fact, recently a television crew in the Himalayas found a giant foot print that may belong to the beast. Archaeologist Josh Gates says the footprint was left in soft sand approximately an hour before it was found. Ooooo....creepy.
How this creature has avoided discovery for this long is a mystery to me. It's almost as if it doesn't exist. But I worry about the day we finally make contact. I wonder if it knows we call it the Abominable Snowman. That probably hurts. Nobody likes to be called abominable, and he isn't even made of snow.
I think when contact is made, we should approach it slowly with palms outstretched to signify we mean no threat. Only after it mauls our TV crew and hurls our sherpas down the mountain do I suggest radioing for Judge Judy. The carnage would be incredible, but so would the TV ratings!
Also, and this is not entirely off-topic, I think somebody should do a complete retelling of the Dustin Hoffman classic, turning his brilliant yet savant character into a shaggy death-dealing giant, and call it The Abominable Rainman.
And us mere humans eat it up. So successful is this show, that many puny mortals have attempted to copy it. Judge Joe Brown, Judge Alex, Judge Mathis ... the list goes on. They are fortunate that the Judy is merciful or she would incinerate them with her terrible stream of sulfuric acid which she spouts from her formidible thorax.
Her show is popular because people love the supernatural. We like to be confronted by unexplainable and potentailly dangerous creatures. Most folks know there are no such things as vampires, werewolves, or Michael Jacksons, but sometimes we wish there were, because they freak us out.
Just recently I was pretty bummed because the infamous goatsucking chupacabra was found to be nothing more than a bald coyote. Why is it everytime I get excited about something incredible, it turns out to be a bald coyote? First Santa Claus, now this.
But the one creature that's been the hardest to disprove is the Yeti ... aka ... Bigfoot ... aka ... Sasquatch ... aka ... The Abominable Snowman ... aka ... Jimmy "The Strangler" Malone.
In fact, recently a television crew in the Himalayas found a giant foot print that may belong to the beast. Archaeologist Josh Gates says the footprint was left in soft sand approximately an hour before it was found. Ooooo....creepy.
How this creature has avoided discovery for this long is a mystery to me. It's almost as if it doesn't exist. But I worry about the day we finally make contact. I wonder if it knows we call it the Abominable Snowman. That probably hurts. Nobody likes to be called abominable, and he isn't even made of snow.
I think when contact is made, we should approach it slowly with palms outstretched to signify we mean no threat. Only after it mauls our TV crew and hurls our sherpas down the mountain do I suggest radioing for Judge Judy. The carnage would be incredible, but so would the TV ratings!
Also, and this is not entirely off-topic, I think somebody should do a complete retelling of the Dustin Hoffman classic, turning his brilliant yet savant character into a shaggy death-dealing giant, and call it The Abominable Rainman.
posted by AaronJLohr | 11:58 AM
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