Why Did the Chicken Cross the Cow’s Intestines?

You know what I find to be most frustrating? Well, after people who think they know what I find frustrating, I hate it when I set something down and then moments later it inexplicably disappears. Sometimes I swear it feels like there are weekly David Copperfield shows taking place in my apartment. I set my car keys down and all of the sudden rhythmic new age music echoes through the room and Copperfield emerges from the closet surrounded in stage smoke. He waves his hands and arches his eye brows and within moments those keys are gone.

I don’t know how he does it, but I hate losing stuff when I know exactly where I put it. It can be even more frustrating when it’s something important like your wallet or your grandmother. I’m sure you’ve been there before.

We know there’s a very probable explanation when these things get lost. The keys fell behind the couch. Grandma went out for pizza. But sometimes, there’s no explanation, and it gets eerie. This brings us to today’s news story.

Ajit Ghosh lives in Kolkata, India. He owns a cow shed which doubles as a chicken coop. In that coop is one cow and a large number of chickens. He keeps that coop secure to prevent wild dogs from stealing the chickens, but still he finds he’s losing dozens of chickens. Where are they going? If you’re like me, you’re quick to suspect Copperfield.

Well Ghosh wanted to know for sure, so one night he and his family went inside that dark shed, and waited. What they saw surprised and horrified them.

“Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat,” Gour Ghosh, Ajit’s brother said.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD
/asiapcf/03/07/cow.eats.chickens.reut/index.html

That’s right, and television crews have seen it on tape as well. The cow grabs and eats the chicken in seconds. Oh, and this monster cow has eaten 48 chickens. I’ll give you a moment to gag or whatever.

Okay, welcome back. Veterinarians think the cow does this because of a lack of vital minerals in its normal diet. Others in the village say the cow was likely a tiger in his previous birth. Me, I say this is a dire portent heralding the beginnings of a terrible and bloody cattle revolution.

I’m not sure what’s pushed them to this point. Perhaps it’s because we’ve been slaughtering and eating them for thousands of years. Or perhaps those chickens had it coming. I don’t know what they were doing in that shed. But you know how chickens can get.

In either case, please make sure you and your pets are getting all their vitamins. Because if you think a visit from David Copperfield is bad, wait until your cat gets a visit from Hamstersaurus.