Science vs. Halloween

Since the dawn of time our civilization has had a fascination with the supernatural. We love haunted houses, zombie movies, UFO sightings, and professional wrestling. But guess who’s back to throw a wet blanket on things we like…that’s right scientists. These are the same people who say man can’t have super powers or the earth “rotates”.

And this time they’re targeting vampires, ghosts, and zombies. According to them these creatures don’t exist.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061026/ap_on_sc/vampire_science


Physicist Costas Efthimiou went to school for many years so that he could tell the American people ghosts can’t walk among us while also gliding through walls because it violates Newton’s law of action and reaction. If ghosts walk, their feet apply force to the floor, but if they go through walls they are without substance. “So which is it,” the professor says, “Are ghosts material or material-less?”

Professor Efthimiou chose physics as his career and purpose in life so that he could make sure people of the world could know vampires don’t exist because if a vampire sucked one person’s blood each month – turning each victim into an equally hungry vampire – after a couple of years there would be no people left, just vampires.

So let’s run through this on a practical level:





NOT REAL








REAL







NOT REAL








REAL









NOT REAL





Now I have a hard time agreeing with all this “science”. Professor Efthimiou is basing his assumptions on stereotypes. He assumes ghosts walk, when we all know they float or use phantasmal segways. And vampires don’t always suck blood of people, nor do their victims always turn into vampires themselves. Mostly they just count stuff amid a few well-placed lightning bolts.

So clearly this “physicist” is cashing in because Halloween is right around the corner. These type of scientists justify these studies by saying sometimes they have to keep telling the public what seems all-too-obvious. Gee thanks, Mr. Brainyman. Let me help too!

The Easter Bunny technically is alive all-year long, but only comes out at Easter to lay eggs, which children then steal. This is why he is so full of rage and eats puppies.

The Tooth Fairy isn’t a fairy but a gremlin who cares nothing about teeth at all. He is just a thief. If you put your Ipod under your pillow, it will be gone in the morning. That money he leaves behind is just his calling card.

Santa Claus is actually a polar bear. He is smarter than the average bear, and does have an impressive workshop. But he doesn’t make presents there. He orders fancy kitchen tools online and eats elves.

Remember, people can use science to make any kind of outrageous claims. They’d like you to believe that thunder is simply the booming sound produced by rapidly expanding air along the path of the electrical discharge of lightning. But clearly this sound is made by ancient dragons playing flag football.