Pandemonium Not What it Used to Be
There once was a word that sent a chill up everyone’s spine. Upon hearing it, you knew it was time to kick in your emergency plans and find a safe place. No, I’m not talking about “NSYNC”. I’m talking about “pandemonium”.
The dictionary defines pandemonium as a state of extreme confusion and disorder (i.e. California). But in today’s world, when you mention the word pandemonium, people think about something entirely different.
If you have a local zoo, you know what I’m talking about. When that panda’s artificial insemination comes to term, it’s time for a breakout of mass panda-monium. There’s no real confusion in this panda-monium, except on the part of the panda wondering how it got pregnant.
Oh sure, it’s clever marketing to re-structure a word to give a name to an event or product in the hopes of making money or garnering media attention. We’ve seen it a hundred times (i.e. Wrestlemania, Toyotathon, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and Ikea’s Wardrobes).
But all this word-smithing really takes away from the intensity the word was originally meant to foster. Let’s look at a hypothetical situation that is entirely possible and proves my point beyond any doubt.
Okay, imagine a guy from the middle ages comes across an alien time machine. He stumbles in and somehow turns it on (I know this is hard to believe, because alien devices are probably very intricate and they likely would have had some mechanism in place to prevent accidental time travel). Anyway, he’s whisked away by the Time Hurler all the way to the year 2005.
It spits him out in Times Square, just moments before King Kong breaks out of a nearby theater. When he sees the wall tear away and the enormous Kong break onto the street, he runs away warning people to turn around because of the extreme confusion and disorder. But because no one would yell, “Look out! Behind me is extreme confusion and disorder,” he instead yells “It’s Pandemonium!”
Now everyone he passes looks at each other and then there’s a rush on disposable cameras and panda-head ice cream treats. Well as they turn the corner to catch a glimpse of the fuzzy little cutie, they get their heads ripped off by Kong, who simply wants to be left alone.
Now why all the hoopla about the panda? Well, you know how reptiles and birds reproduce via eggs? Well a panda is a mammal and has what biologists call a “live birth”. This mean a much smaller version of the parent animal actually comes out of an orifice of the parent, generally located somewhere on the underside of the creature.
As strange as this may sound to some, other animals also fall under this class called mammals. Such animals include the camel, horse, monkey, and Regis Philbin. And they are in fact enormously jealous of the panda whose “live birth” attracts much more attention.
Here in Washington, DC our panda just gave birth to a little cub, and it sure is cute. Everyone is buying tickets to catch a glimpse of it. It’s kind of eerie though because at the National Zoo the panda exhibit is right across a path from the giraffes and elephants. And when you look in their eyes, you see a hatred so intense that it actually absorbs the essence of joy and goodness.
Anyway, if you’re part of my generation it may be too late to re-establish the true meaning of pandemonium. But if you have children via “live birth” you can teach them the true ways of long ago, so when the Time Hurler appears in New York, they don’t lose their head.
The Merry Christmas Bonus Yuletide Blog:
For those of you who regularly read this little blog, you know I like to follow the misadventures of Richard Hatch. This is the fine upstanding original champion of the Survivor television program who made a name for himself by being naked when he was never designed to be in that state.
As you may recall, he won a million dollars on the most popular show of his time and thought he could get away with not reporting it on his taxes. He was wrong. He’ll be going to jail soon.
Here’s a new twist in the story. Did you know Richard used his winnings to set up a charity for trouble teenagers? Isn’t that nice? Did you know he also use that fund for personal expenditures? That’s what federal authorities recently found out.
This is not what I would call a classy guy. He’s more like the kind of guy the Yankees would sign to play centerfield. (How could you Johnny?!)
The dictionary defines pandemonium as a state of extreme confusion and disorder (i.e. California). But in today’s world, when you mention the word pandemonium, people think about something entirely different.
If you have a local zoo, you know what I’m talking about. When that panda’s artificial insemination comes to term, it’s time for a breakout of mass panda-monium. There’s no real confusion in this panda-monium, except on the part of the panda wondering how it got pregnant.
Oh sure, it’s clever marketing to re-structure a word to give a name to an event or product in the hopes of making money or garnering media attention. We’ve seen it a hundred times (i.e. Wrestlemania, Toyotathon, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and Ikea’s Wardrobes).
But all this word-smithing really takes away from the intensity the word was originally meant to foster. Let’s look at a hypothetical situation that is entirely possible and proves my point beyond any doubt.
Okay, imagine a guy from the middle ages comes across an alien time machine. He stumbles in and somehow turns it on (I know this is hard to believe, because alien devices are probably very intricate and they likely would have had some mechanism in place to prevent accidental time travel). Anyway, he’s whisked away by the Time Hurler all the way to the year 2005.
It spits him out in Times Square, just moments before King Kong breaks out of a nearby theater. When he sees the wall tear away and the enormous Kong break onto the street, he runs away warning people to turn around because of the extreme confusion and disorder. But because no one would yell, “Look out! Behind me is extreme confusion and disorder,” he instead yells “It’s Pandemonium!”
Now everyone he passes looks at each other and then there’s a rush on disposable cameras and panda-head ice cream treats. Well as they turn the corner to catch a glimpse of the fuzzy little cutie, they get their heads ripped off by Kong, who simply wants to be left alone.
Now why all the hoopla about the panda? Well, you know how reptiles and birds reproduce via eggs? Well a panda is a mammal and has what biologists call a “live birth”. This mean a much smaller version of the parent animal actually comes out of an orifice of the parent, generally located somewhere on the underside of the creature.
As strange as this may sound to some, other animals also fall under this class called mammals. Such animals include the camel, horse, monkey, and Regis Philbin. And they are in fact enormously jealous of the panda whose “live birth” attracts much more attention.
Here in Washington, DC our panda just gave birth to a little cub, and it sure is cute. Everyone is buying tickets to catch a glimpse of it. It’s kind of eerie though because at the National Zoo the panda exhibit is right across a path from the giraffes and elephants. And when you look in their eyes, you see a hatred so intense that it actually absorbs the essence of joy and goodness.
Anyway, if you’re part of my generation it may be too late to re-establish the true meaning of pandemonium. But if you have children via “live birth” you can teach them the true ways of long ago, so when the Time Hurler appears in New York, they don’t lose their head.
The Merry Christmas Bonus Yuletide Blog:
For those of you who regularly read this little blog, you know I like to follow the misadventures of Richard Hatch. This is the fine upstanding original champion of the Survivor television program who made a name for himself by being naked when he was never designed to be in that state.
As you may recall, he won a million dollars on the most popular show of his time and thought he could get away with not reporting it on his taxes. He was wrong. He’ll be going to jail soon.
Here’s a new twist in the story. Did you know Richard used his winnings to set up a charity for trouble teenagers? Isn’t that nice? Did you know he also use that fund for personal expenditures? That’s what federal authorities recently found out.
This is not what I would call a classy guy. He’s more like the kind of guy the Yankees would sign to play centerfield. (How could you Johnny?!)
posted by AaronJLohr | 12:32 PM
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