Visiting the Horspital

Everyone says "Everybody's different." This is a paradox of logic that if proven true would rip the fabric of space apart and then knit it back together as a lovely celestial sweatervest.

You see, by everyone saying we're all different, we're really proving we're all the same. Hmm...those would be great lyrics for a hippy folk song. Consider that copyrighted.

The point is people value their uniqueness, but when you really examine the human race, we're not all that different. People tend to look the same as me, two arms, two legs, two ears, well-defined jaw, mysterious powerful eyes, ruggedly handsome face, and of course full, pouty lips. Let's face it, I, I mean we, are all hot.

Also let's look at our likes and dislikes. Who likes puppies? Everyone. Who likes ponies? Everyone. Who likes bunnies? Alligators.

And how about our dislikes? Who likes mosquitos? Nobody. Who likes poison ivy? Nobody. Who likes going to the hospital? Ambulances apparently.

You see, we all love horsies, and we all hate going to the hospital. Therefore, according to the transitive property, hospitals are horsies and hate themselves. Math is weird.

This all reminds me of a story I recently saw from the Associated Press. A man's relative is stuck in the hospital feeling pretty blue. The man wants to cheer him up and figures this guy probably misses his horse and would love it if someone brought it by the hospital for a visit.

For those of you who don't often visit the hospital, you may be surprised to learn that livestock of any kind, are prohibited. Apparently horses could knock over sensitive machinery or injure weakened patients. And of course horses tend to become impossible to settle down when within the confines of a building congested with pain, suffering, and depression, unless you have a big bag of oats. Then they're like "Where to boss? How about the morgue? Whinny!"

So this guys takes the horse in the elevator and goes up to the third floor where they are confronted by security and promptly escorted back out.

Well thankfully they let the patient go outside, where he looks at his relative, and then the beautiful animal, and says "That's not my horse".

Unfortunately the article doesn't explain who's horse it was, but does it really matter? You bet it does. Horse thieving is a pretty big deal.